Who’s in Charge?

Sometimes in a relationship there’s an issue about who is in charge, about one person telling the other what to do, how to look, even how to act. It can be a struggle for control, if the personalities don’t mix right. It can also look to outsiders as if one person is strong and in charge and the other is weak.

In a related statement, which will make sense further down: I have always felt that I could love and marry almost any girl I’ve ever met…which is probably why I’m an inveterate flirt. I just love them all.

The common thread here is that people draw the line for themselves as far as what things to stand up for, and what things matter so little that they let their partner have the decision. If there’s something not right about what I’m wearing, I’ll change it; couldn’t care less one way or the other. Want to go to this restaurant, and never that one? OK. Doesn’t matter. I let anything peripheral like that just unfold any old way. What does matter is what kind of person you’re with, and the people I’ve known pretty much have it right. We don’t differ where it matters. I don’t tolerate lying, or selfishness, or being inconsiderate, or arrogance…it’s the core stuff, what’s inside that counts, and if that’s all good then the rest is just window dressing. If I want to spend a night out with the girl I love, and if I happen to be doing that, then it doesn’t matter where, how, what…The details can fall where they may, I figure if we’re together then the important part has been taken care of. Everything I care about has been taken care of.

I’m sure there have been bystanders through the years who thought I was being bossed around, but they didn’t know what they were seeing. They naturally interpret interaction based on their own experiences, and most people would be at a loss to interpret the way we played around. Upon overhearing a conversation, you can only imagine your own motives as the reasoning behind what you hear; you aren’t likely to guess the actual thoughts. 

So, in establishing the dynamics of the relationship it’s just a matter of choosing your battles, drawing the line where your comfortable, and applying your personal perspective on what’s important to you. It’s a very individual choice, and it's just between the two of you. Don’t waste time worrying about what anyone else thinks.